Outshined by a friend? (Part 2)

Hi. The subject of being "outshined" by a friend (as our friend Sage put it) drew a lot of interest. I noticed there were quite a few friend-related questions in the pile. Here are some of them. Keep the good advice flowing!

As I said before, I know what u all mean. With friends like Kate and Piper, a girl can easily feel like she's in the shadows.

From Cassie, 14
The boys in my class made a list of the prettiest girls and I'm not on it?!
Some boys in my class listed the prettiest girls, in order. All of my friends are on it and I am not. I feel really sad because one of my "friends" helped out with the list. =/ What do I do?

From Someone, 12
I have a friend whom i am really close with, but now she changed alot!She has grown to the personality of a girly girl when really she isn't.She acts like it to get attention and popularity.And lately she thinks Im ruining her "image."What do I do?

From Erin, 13
where ever i am nobody ever notices me. i went to a dance the other night with my friend and everyone came up to HER and HER a hug but not me. ARE THEY REALLY MY FRIENDS AND WHY DO I FELL SO LEFT OUT? please help.


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, first if your friend helped shes not a real friend. second boys do that kind of stuff all the time. third why not ask a close guy friend what he dosen't like about you? fourth try to do your best at being sporty or something the guys like really put yourself out there! and fifth don't worrie about it! you should like yourself the way you are. thanks mckenzie

May 17, 2009 at 6:05 PM  
Anonymous moe12..13in 3 months! said...

hi im morgan and my bestfriend is better at everythign conpared to me and i try always to be my self and she still even if shes fake gets what she wants all my good friend always chosse her over me its up setting! what can i do?

May 17, 2009 at 10:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel that way sometimes too. I wouldnt take it too persoally, sometimes people just dont think.

May 18, 2009 at 11:08 AM  
Anonymous Brittany said...

hey everybody im bored keep talkin ill be here all day!!!

May 18, 2009 at 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


May 18, 2009 at 4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


May 18, 2009 at 7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello someone :

Help your friend to get her character back even if she dont know that you are helping her .
If you did and you can't then tell her that it is bad to do this and tell her that she is never going to get attention and popularity this way .Or Try to get away from her and not to help her or talk to her for a while then she will maybe come back or change to her self again .

Deema :D

May 19, 2009 at 2:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Erin :

Talk to them , try to find out why they are doing that ,get infront of them , talk to them . Try , or even dont come to these places if you can and they will notice that you are not there . Dont be there friend !!

I hope they notice you
Deema :)

May 19, 2009 at 2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friend is already developed (breasts) and all the boys at my school like her and my other 2 friends. No one likes me!

May 19, 2009 at 8:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin, i totally know what your feeling. My best friend gets all the attention. shes way better than me at EVERYTHING!!! She has the grades, looks, style, etc. and even though she isn't out going everyone still likes her. it is really annoying. when i beat her in a test, everyone still asks her about it - even if i got top mark.

i guess all you can do is try not to think about it, talk to others and be as out going as comfortable for you, and just focus on your talents and everything. but yeah it is REALLY annoying - especially if they ditch you for them (and they don't think they are!)
hope it helped.

May 20, 2009 at 2:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im rachel. my friend emily has way more cool clothes than me and now she is noticed by boys more. it gets annoying

May 21, 2009 at 5:59 PM  
Blogger jessie said...

my friend is really pretty and boys like her but no boys like me,why not?

May 22, 2009 at 6:17 AM  
Blogger DeemA = GENIUS said...

Dear Cassie

If your name (or you)isn't on the list , that doesn't mean you are ugly or not pretty, it is O.K , you should have confidence ,Ask your friend Why she/he didn't add you (your name) into the list? and don't be sad , it is not a very big problem because you are pretty already.

Deema ;D

May 22, 2009 at 10:45 AM  
Anonymous JellyBeans said...

Hey Jessie,
i know how bad it can feel when no boys like you, especially if they're after your friend. it's awful! i know its hard, especially if they wont stop talking to her while your there. just be yourself and talk to them. be careful not to say anything to bad- particulary if your the type that goes red- because trust me its embarrassing! but they'll see you for who you are and see how beautiful you are. let your light shine and they'll like you. even if you don't get asked to go out they will still like you. remember its not the end of the world if they don't like you. they're probably not right for you anyway. And if your friend is the type of girl who will listen then tell her and she can make you feel more comfortable.

May 26, 2009 at 2:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey cassie..im rly sry about the pretty list that the boys in your class made. that is so completely immature and stupid. i guess the only advice i have for you is to ignore it shake it off turn the other cheek because other peoples opinions dont matter. and i bet you're really really pretty:)
hey someone..i know what it's like to have someone change on you. im sorry about that. maybe you could remind her of how it used to be. if she still wants to move on, then i guess shes not such a good friend afterall.
hey Erin...getting left out hurts. bad. im real sorry you feel left out. maybe next time you could be the first one to give them a hug. open your arms and say hi and then theyll have to give you a hug. good luck you guys!!!!!!!!!! much love <3

May 26, 2009 at 5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friend is the best! And no doubt about it she really is an"ANGEL" but sometimes I just don't feel right being around her when the boys are there giving her things and stuff. And I'm really hurted to see her having so much fun with the boy that I liked for along time even though she said that she didn't know.

May 26, 2009 at 9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to have a friend, that I really liked. NOw were not friends anymore, and I wished we were again. Somethimes I JUST FEEL REALLY LONELY.

May 27, 2009 at 7:01 PM  
Anonymous Meredith :-) said...

Hey, i guess i know wat u r gion thru, im a class leader in one of my classes, and im supposed to tell evry 1 wat to do, but they dont listen to me, but when someone else has to take charge, the class listens to them and it makes me so mad!boyz laugh at me some times and it makes me feel horrible! but i guess reading everyone elses comments, and seeing all the encouragement, i guess that gave me th strength to keep gion!!!!thanks guys, and by the way,Jemma, you and everyone else is awesome!!!!

May 28, 2009 at 2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think that "prettiness" comes from the outside and the looks of you but from the way you treat others and the way people see you from the inside...not out. you should explain this to your friend. Why does it matter to you if your friends think you're pretty or not? That part of the friendship should be the least of anyone's worries. The boys in that class are just trying to get you to focus on your insecurities.

May 28, 2009 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

in my middle school all in the schools in the town go into it. My best friend has this new girl in her class and she loves her like she used to love me. I really like the new girl and she likes me but my old best friend won't let me hang out with her. She is always with her and I hardly get to talk to her.

May 29, 2009 at 9:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have many friends that outshine me i have one that made 100 on ALL of the TAKS tests and anoter who is really pretty just remember that their probably just a bunch of dumb old guys "no offense to the guys who go on this site..." And have you asked your friends why they didnt put your name on the list?

May 31, 2009 at 12:44 AM  
Anonymous azraa said...

i have alot of friends but some of them are just rood and arogent it's hard having friends like this.

May 31, 2009 at 11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, I was on the bus coming home from school and i was sitting next to my friend. Another girl started asking us questions. She asked my friend if she thought THAT I was pretty, and she shrugged and said kindof "i don't know" she doesn't think i'm pretty. And later when i said that i'm fat she said "i know"
but i'm not really that fat. I'm in the middle and that annoys me too. I want to be thin.

June 1, 2009 at 5:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am always out shined by my friend

June 4, 2009 at 1:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it doesn't matter if its on the list who cares what people think about you you know you're beautiful they just don't know theirs no such as prettiest girl everybody's beautiful in their own way

June 9, 2009 at 10:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

omj please tell me u dont care what those brain dead boys think! who cares! and hun i bet a quarter of those boys think u r hot but r too shy to say it. trust me this is not worth getting upset over. :)rock on !

June 15, 2009 at 9:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the girl cassie who is getting out shined, that friend is not a friend. and BOYS have no IDEA what they r talken bout! i know i have 5 brothers and no sisters. and i will bet so much that some of the boys or all like U but r too SHY to say it. trust me on this, who CARES what the stupid list says!!! dont let a few brain dead boys make u sad. rock on!

June 16, 2009 at 10:49 AM  
Anonymous Lachelle said...

First where did you hear that your friend helped them out?Second if your friend helped out do you really think she's your friend.She might be trying to make you jealous.Chances are you might outshine her once in a while, so she probably wants revenge.There is another option maybe the guys put it up to a vote.Boys act like that sometimes.

I understand how it feel to have that problem.When my best friend moved away I wouldn't know if she would remember me and it has been 3 years since I saw her.I also wonder if she changed.So for you if she is saying that to you maybe she is tired of being your friend, so try hanging out with other people and probably 3 days later she might miss you.It is also her choice if she becomes a girly girl probably she may be trying to fit in, and all that popularity has gone to her head and made her forget who her best friend was before all of those stuff happened.Try reading a book called Frenemies by Alexa Young.

If you're upset about that maybe check your attitude towards people, or probably talk to her and tell her you feel really left out.
Good Luck

July 2, 2009 at 5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin- im guessing you are shy? thats usually the case in your situation. i was shy when i was younger, but then i became more and more outgoing. i love making people laugh, so people like to be around me.eventually i gained lots of friends and learned that if you really are yourself, people will love you. in this case you could try and make people laugh, you could be the girl who is nice to everyone or the one who gives killer advice.

July 8, 2009 at 4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erin: It's okay. My best friend is super pretty, smart, talented, everything. She's good friends with popular people even though the rest of our group isn't. Sometimes life is just unfair like this. But if your friend is good to you, it's okay. At dances, that happens too. My friend got a hug from everyone. Everyone crowded around her to dance. Everyone did what she wanted to do. But if I had walked out, she would have noticed. So she's still a good friend to me. But if your friend isn't good to you, then I guess you'll have to look for new friends. Or you can talk to her about it.

Someone: It's okay. It just looks like you need to find a new friend. That happened to me. I had this best friend, and all of a sudden she became popular and started ignoring me. She called me a loser. But you just have to ignore all the mean things, and find new friends. That's what I did and everything's okay now.

Cassie: Find new friends. Just ignore her and ignore those boys. Outside beauty is really nothing, inside beauty is everything.

July 9, 2009 at 4:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well i would talk to my friend if she was trying to be something shes not. just try to sit her down and talk to her. im a bestfriend of 2 and when they want to do something wrong or so then i just talk to them in a serious way. i wouldnt say "you have to change now." just suggest good advice to this friend. well she might be actually changed. as i grew older with my friends we never grew apart but we did change personality wise< not so much that we would hate each other though. i became of a more half emo but feminen while one my friends grew feminine but a little more devoted to her school work.

July 12, 2009 at 2:26 AM  
Anonymous texaschickwhosnotacowgirl said...

my on and off friend lets call her ke$ha thinks shes pretty and popular when shes not noticed by popular grls and cute boys they notice me when im not wit her but she thinks i make her look bad how can i bring her into the lite witout hurting her

December 19, 2011 at 8:34 AM  

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