She ditched old friends to be in the cool group

Hi!
Ellie has a great question for us today. It has to do with which group you're in at school. Every school has its "cool group." Ellie is finally in it, she says. But she paid a price.

Dear PLS,
I'm finally in the cool group, but I had to ditch my old friends and they said I'm meaner then ever and I felt terrible I want to be myself again,but still be noticed?
Ellie, 12

I think she might find it helpful to read this article about cliques.

Now, what's your advice about cool groups vs. old friends?

Think pink!
Jemma

47 Comments:

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

u should never ditch ur friends to be in the coool group cuz ur old friends are cooler then u think! well anyway u can start by saying sorry them and make a time table so u can hang out with both groups, hope this helps!remember ur old friend cannot be replaced!:)

October 16, 2010 at 9:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont think it's right to ditch your riends for the so called "Cool Group". They will just bug you for everything from Silly Bandz to Money. Trust me it aint worth it

October 16, 2010 at 9:24 PM  
Anonymous Josie said...

That's a toughy. It takes a big person to try and go back with your old friends and ditch the "cool group." It'll take a lot of courage, and who knows what your old friends will say if you want to go back. And being a good person, will eventually get you noticed.

October 16, 2010 at 10:09 PM  
Anonymous soph said...

I think you should ditch the cool group and go back to your friends. Because that would make you and your friends happy again. And who needs the cool group?

October 17, 2010 at 10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I think that if your firends are true good friends who will always stick up for you, you should be with them but if you think they should have not been your friends then stay with the cool group. Whatever you do just be yourself to get noticed.

October 17, 2010 at 1:19 PM  
Anonymous Virginia the pug lovr said...

I have an old friend named Ellie who did that. She ditched us all to be cool! You really need to be yourself, because to be in the cool group, is to really to be in the bully group. Ask your old friends to forgive you and say sorry and maybe they'll help you get noticed in a nice way.

October 17, 2010 at 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It depends, were your friends mean to you? If they were mean to you and the "cool" group is nicer to you then stay with the cool group but if your old friends were nice to you who says you can't be friends with both of the groups of friends?
-Sofa

October 17, 2010 at 2:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you want to hang with the cool group, so be it. I'm in the same position. I'm friends with the cool group AND the uncool group. See? It's easy! People say in these other comments that cool people are mean. Half the time that's not true. Do what YOU want to do, don't let other people bring you down. (:

October 17, 2010 at 7:49 PM  
Blogger Jemma said...

Stop and think for a minute: 1. WHY did you leave your old group in the first place? 2. Why do you want to be a part of your current group? By now, you should have some idea as to what your inner thoughts are. Sounds corny, but it works. Trust me on that one. If you want my personal advice (and this works for certain people at certain times and places) redefine cool. That is, be confident and happy.(If you can't, act like you are. Soon you really will be) Don't let people put you down. DON'T complain and be nasty to other girls. Last time I checked, that's how you get a group of haters behind you. And, most importantly, be positive and interesting! People flock towards positivity. It shines brighter than anything. If you're interesting, you can be comfortable almost anywhere, people will WANT to be your friend and hang out with you.

October 17, 2010 at 9:34 PM  
Anonymous Lizzi said...

Stop and think for a minute: 1. WHY did you leave your old group in the first place? 2. Why do you want to be a part of your current group? By now, you should have some idea as to what your inner thoughts are. Sounds corny, but it works. Trust me on that one. If you want my personal advice (and this works for certain people at certain times and places) redefine cool. That is, be confident and happy.(If you can't, act like you are. Soon you really will be) Don't let people put you down. DON'T complain and be nasty to other girls. Last time I checked, that's how you get a group of haters behind you. And, most importantly, be positive and interesting! People flock towards positivity. It shines brighter than anything. If you're interesting, you can be comfortable almost anywhere, people will WANT to be your friend and hang out with you.

October 17, 2010 at 9:36 PM  
Blogger Jemma said...

Your comment was terrific Lizzi! REDEFINE COOL - I love it!
Think pink!
Jemma

October 17, 2010 at 9:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

being in the cool group is kinda important. but you should also still hang out with your old friends. also, when your in the cool group, (no offense) you never know if they REALLY like you. sometimes they are like "show friends" that you only really hang out with at school, it happend to me, and i was never invited to sleepovers or any time they hanged out after school. so just because they are cool, doesnt mean they are great friends like your old ones probably are

October 19, 2010 at 7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friend ella had this problem last year. She decided to hang out with one group one day and the other the next. It seems to be working out but if it doesn't work for you stay with your old friends. You will be noticed eventually. Anyway the cool group can make you mean! I know from being in the cool group. And one day you might be thrown under the bus. I know about this too. I was the most popular girl in school and then the group started to try to make me feel bad about myself. I am now an out cast. if you stay with your real friends you will be much happier. Well at least this is what I think.

October 19, 2010 at 9:41 PM  
Anonymous Rachel said...

Most of the time, the "cool groups" are just trouble. Now don't get me wrong, some popular girls are nice. Other girls use that popularity to get power.

October 19, 2010 at 9:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well my friend did that and then i acualy went to the kool people to

October 20, 2010 at 2:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that if you ditched your old friends for the cool group you should stop and think: 1. why did you ditch your other friends in the first place? was it to become popular or to impress someone? 2. put yourself in their shoes and look at what you did 3. do you honestly think that ditching your true friends and joining the cool group will make you cool as well? sooner or later the word is going to get around that you ditched your friends to become popular and do you think that will be cool? 4. who are your true friends? i hate to say it but sometimes cool people just want you to be on their side and they end up humiliating you if you trust them with youe secerts. have you ever seen the movie Remember Me? do you remember how the popular girls invited Tyler's little sister to their slumber party and ended up cutting her hair? same thing. im not saying that they will cut your hair, but you get the point! Think about it! sorry its a lot but try to think about what i said. Smile On!- G

October 20, 2010 at 11:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well,it does feel really good to be in the cool crowd but do not leave your old friends.Talk to the cool clique and say I still want to hang out with you guys but I still want to hang out with my old friends too.Try taking turns hanging out with each of them.If they don`t agree go back to you`re old friends and start hanging out with them again.Because what ever crowd you are in is the cool crowd.

October 27, 2010 at 5:13 PM  
Anonymous tayrox1123 said...

Guys just remember, the people who matter dont mind the people who mind dont matter. a friend who ditches u 2 b kewl is not really your friend and she is not worth your time and awesomeness :)

October 28, 2010 at 10:02 PM  
Anonymous jenna,emma,eliy,and miranda said...

not right!dont ditch your friendsto get in the cool group!the 5 of us are the cool group at our school,but no one joined us just to be in the cool group.here's our story:it all started out with miranda and eliy being bffs in 3rd grade.in 4th grade,they met jenna and emma,who where bffs at the time.then jenna and emma warmed up to miranda and eliy,and eventruly we all became bffs.no people joined us just to be in the cool group!btw we became the cool group in 6th grade.we're in 7th grade now.
love jenna,emma,eliy,and miranda

October 29, 2010 at 11:20 PM  
Anonymous olive 101 said...

wat the heck dose btw mean jemma?

October 31, 2010 at 10:49 PM  
Anonymous alecia said...

i definetley dont think thats right cause right now im in a position where i am no longer speaking with my old friends as much as i use to they say that im actingg like a nerd now because im trying to behave like a lady i miss talking to them and being open with them sometimes i really dont care about them but at another time i wish we were still as close as in the second grade they still consider me as their best friends but i dont know if they are even my friends anymore all i can say is keep ur friendship and work with the person/s.

November 4, 2010 at 11:07 PM  
Anonymous Ceci said...

When I was younger I was part of the "cool" crowd. It feels nice, like you're important, but you might not realize what you're doing to other people. During middle school I realized how terrible I'd been to some of the other girls in my grade. I made new friends that very year, including some of the people I hadn't exactly been nice to before. I ditched the cool kids and made friends who appreciate me for who I am. I know it's difficult, and on occasion I still have the compulsion to do something mean because someone is different or doesn't fit in with my other friends. Remember that cliques in school are as dirty as politics in the real world. The cool kids do mean things even if you don't you don't yet realize it. My friends are losers, I am a loser, and I am much happier that way =)

November 5, 2010 at 3:27 AM  
Anonymous dawning said...

be true to ur self and r friends

November 5, 2010 at 4:36 PM  
Anonymous XtremeSwimmer said...

you are unique in your own way dont change to try to get in the "cool" group, if they were your friends you shouldnt ditch them.And if your being mean, and not being yourself is it really worth it?

November 13, 2010 at 9:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey. Maybe you should go over with your old friends why you left them. After you explain that to them and make them understand, you can be friends with both of the groups!

November 14, 2010 at 6:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey,i had the same problem try to hang out with both groups of friends and it might work like at school hang out with the populars but at ur house hang out wit ur old group explain to both groups(alone)how u feel

November 20, 2010 at 11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

heyy,
sometimes you may meet someother people like me but i pulled some old friends in the group......

November 20, 2010 at 9:23 PM  
Anonymous Zekeyra said...

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? your old regular friends are more excepting. it better being with regular people than witha bunch of snoody people who think the world revolves around them and that life is about STUFF. If i were you, i'd stop being in that group. those types of cliques are hurtful!!!!

November 26, 2010 at 7:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, the same thing happened to me, turns out the 'cool group' is actully alot nicer than my old friends. So if your old friends are nicer then stick with them but otherwise stick with the cool group usally they are more fun!

November 28, 2010 at 3:27 AM  
Anonymous PLS Jess said...

Hey! PLS Jess here. I'm going to echo what other people have said.

Redefine cool! Some cool is just that - cool. They may seem nice at first glance but later you will discover that all they are is materialistic - all latest fashions and cool gadgets. They probably don't know enough to be a true friend.

On the other hand, some are cool because they are extremely nice and popular with pretty much everyone.

And, there is the cool who muck around in class. You might not want to associate with those.

See which ones you like better, really. Stay with your cool group, see which category they belong in (the materialistic, the nice, the class jokers) and, armed with this new information, make your decision!

@olive101: btw means by the way. It's chatspeak.

PS. I'm only 10, so my advice might not be very good. Sorry!

November 29, 2010 at 3:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One rule that you should always try to stick by: never, EVER leave your true friends to hang out with the populars! After all, once you graduate from school, being "popular" or "cool" won't mean a thing: it won't get you a job and it won't win you TRUE friends. Sure, being cool might get you a large group of so-called 'friends' that only like you because of your expensive purse or designer jeans, but who needs friends like that? The best thing to do is to ditch the populars and apologize to your real friends, because trust me, if you do, you won't regret it!

December 10, 2010 at 12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ditching is just another word for skipping.Especially ditching your best friend for A COOL GROUP! My friends are my cool group, and just because that cool group is cooler..I would never ditch my friends. They have been through everything with me! I would never ditch my cool group :) because being with my friends is better then being with a cool group.

December 11, 2010 at 7:19 PM  
Anonymous Ellie said...

Hi it's ellie im back with my old friends and thank you so much for helping me with my problem i wont make that mistake again but sure enough i will make another mistake but it's good to know your here to answer my questions!!!!!!!!!!

December 15, 2010 at 4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, last year I was the most popular person in my grade. All the boys liked me, and all the girls wanted to be my friend. I ditched my BFF for a cooler girl, and after a month or so, I was more popular than the cool girl. My old BFF was in the shadows. I hate to say this, but I was the head of a clique. I treated everyone who wasn't in the clique like garbage, and I will regret it all my life. My old BFF moved to Mexico, so I never got the chance to apologize. I hate myself for that. I am still very popular this year, but I'm not mean, and im not in a clique. It's just me and my buds. Oh, and the cool girl I used (hate to say that) to become popular is now mean and friendless. Every day, I think "That could be me" and I am determined to be nice to everyone. Well, there's my lecture:) Hope It Helped

December 19, 2010 at 7:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

first of all im just coming straight: bad choice. but itll take time. cuz ur friends wont accept u rite away, and the "cool" kids r just gonna take advantage of u cuz ur new to the group. u should b wt the friends u had first, cuz THEY should be the cool kids if theyr ur friends.

December 29, 2010 at 12:28 PM  
Anonymous olive101 said...

thanks plsjess!!!

love olive101

January 1, 2011 at 6:17 PM  
Anonymous fixx said...

ok so i have moved 2 go 2 boarding school now but in my old school i had the dilemma of being asked 2 stay in the cool group or go back 2 my amazing old friends. it became such a big deal with the play ground being split in half but when i chose my old friends i felt sooo much better. AND the boys admired me 4 it 2 :)
its ur choice but remember go where u think u belong!
hope it helped :)

January 6, 2011 at 8:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1 you should have never ditched your friends to be in the trouble group. 2 say this to your totally not uncool friends "i know i have been a terrrible friend but if you still want to be friends i want to be friends to." 3 you should have never ditched your friends to be in the trouble group.

February 20, 2011 at 6:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never ever trade in your old friends for the so called, "cool group" cuz it's not worth it. I think you should talk to your old friends and try to ecxplain it to them, I hope this helps!!, ~Blue girl

April 18, 2011 at 6:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok I see what u mean but first ditch the cool group 2nd go an appologize for being mean to your friends and if that works hang out with your friends again. you should hang out with the friends who like you for who you are.......
To you my friend.....
Yours truly, helpful gal

June 29, 2011 at 7:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look, when i was little, like up until the 6th grade, i was the IT girl. everybody wanted to be me. i was perfect. Then, i became friends with this one girl. we came BFF's. this girl was a loser. so, i became a loser also. i ditched my popular group, and became a total loser. it was awful. it has taken me so long to get my friends back. everybody thought i was a loser. it has taken so much to convince them that i am not. DONT MAKE MY MISTAKE. i get it a lot of u might think that i am a terrible person. you just need to be with the "in crowd" trust me- all of u. you dont want years of regret. it can turn to hate towards you old friends.

sometimes- you need to be selfish to be who u want.

October 26, 2011 at 4:14 PM  
Anonymous Fairythunder said...

If you feel bad for them, make a sincere apology, or even send a card! Also, if you feel REALLY bad, leave the cool stuff behind and go back to your old friends!

November 21, 2011 at 6:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

listen to yourself for a minute. you said you FINALLY got into the cool group. what i hear is: 'PEOPLE FINALLY THOUGHT I WAS COOL ENOUGH TO BE IN THEIR GROUP SO NOW THAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME A CERTAIN WAY I HAVE TO DITCH MY TRUE FIRENDS' my advice is this: don't try to get other people to say you're nice, funny, pretty, or smart, just to feel good about yourself. honestly. i think popularity is totally over rated. so tell your new 'cool group' that you should be able to be friends with other people who aren't in the group, without being rejected from it.
-luvpinkcrazy98

December 4, 2011 at 6:42 PM  
Anonymous t-swizzle said...

i gotta prob like that. i have good friends in the "nerdy" and "popular" groups their both fun and nice but the "nerdy" ones get mad @ me when i hang out w/ the popular ones

January 8, 2012 at 5:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you already feel bad, but it was wrong to ditch your friends just to be popular or 'cool'. This 'cool group' may even be the wrong crowd! Some 'Cool Groups' can be drug users and be doing bad things. I know this might be hard, but go back to your old friends, let them know you're sorry and you truly mean it, and things will work out and be better than before. You can still hang out with these 'cool people' but don't forget about your old friends!

February 3, 2012 at 10:56 PM  
Anonymous Vampire said...

Yea, you should. there's no reason to ditch your friends just because you want to be cool. Sorry but that's the truth.

August 2, 2012 at 5:18 PM  
Anonymous Juliett said...

YEA! i agree with vampire!

August 3, 2012 at 5:02 PM  

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