Question No. 9: Kate & the girl who REALLY wants to be friends

Someone wants to be Kate's friend, like, really, really wants to be her friend. Instead of feeling flattered, Kate's feeling smothered. Let's try to help!

Dear PLS,
There is a girl in my math class who follows me around like a creepy stalker! She has no friends and i want to tell her to back off but i don't want to hurt her feelings. she actually follows a lot of other girls too. so don't think of this as just helping myself, but the other girls in my grade too.
Kate, 10

How did your best friendships happen? There are lots of ways, but the most common is that two people get to know each other and find lots of stuff to like about each other. Maybe your friend constantly cracks you up or she's really nice and caring when you're having tough times.

I feel lucky to have the friendships I have. But I do notice there are people who don't seem to have many (or any) friends. This could be the case for the girl who's following Kate around. I think the solution is to try to be kind. Kate doesn't have to become her BFF, but what if every girl she was following did one nice thing for her. Here are some ideas:

1. Give her a compliment. (You are good at (fill in the blank). Could be anything - science, volleyball, braiding your hair etc.
2. Just say hi, how's it going?
3. Tell her something about yourself. (I ride horses. I like pancakes.) Whatever you want to share can be the start of a small conversation.

Once you have done a small, nice thing she may relax a bit. If she still is coming on strong, you might say (in a nice way) "It makes me feel (fill in the blank) when you follow me. You seem like a nice person, but could you give me a little space?" Don't call her a stalker and don't say anything in front of others that could embarrass her.

I know Kate was looking for a way to escape, but I think the situation might get better if she reaches out to the girl a little. Have you ever noticed some people are better at making friends than others? I would be so sad if I was this girl and I kept trying to make friends but couldn't.

What other good advice do you have, Pink Locker girls?

Think pink!


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Anonymous Anonymous said...

um i agree with jemma. also do u know her at all anything about her? theres this one girl in my class who is difficult so were kinda friends with her but most of the time shes fine i dont think it would hurt to be nice to her.

April 2, 2011 at 12:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well i agree with jemma. you should try being nice to her and get to know her. you should invite her to hang out with your friends and see if they like her, but if your friends don't like her but u do, don't let them change your mind. well hope i helped.

April 6, 2011 at 10:14 AM  
Anonymous smartie patootie said...

That happens to me. And since everyone calls me Smartest in Class, it probably is worse with me. You don't have the worst of problems.

April 30, 2011 at 5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just try be support. Insteaded of just trying avoid help her. Even I am very smart until some kid help learn abouthow make friend I understand almost about social pratice. Odds are she really kind but need help. Try example how act her, invite her to social gather (but teach how to act first) and most all believe in her. By believe that she can be social butterfly she try stepping confort zone and try to get along with everyone else.

May 3, 2011 at 8:53 PM  
Anonymous tess said...

try hanging out with her for a day then see if she follows u the next day, if she does then talk to her a little more then ask her "yeah, why have u been following me ________?" that way she will feel more comfortable answering u because u guys have hung out with eachother. hope it helps! -tess

May 7, 2011 at 8:44 AM  
Anonymous CT said...

I'm in high school and this has happened to me several times. A girl named Jessica followed me around for half a year! I then realized a lot of people made fun of her. I didn't see why so I started talking to her a bit and she is really nice and still a good friend of mine.

Over the past four years, I've learned to not let anyone feel left out. It can really change their lives.

May 23, 2011 at 4:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just try to include her and if it does not work just try to talk to her tell her how u feel about her following u.


June 9, 2011 at 2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have the same situation and i dont know what to do! i've had nightmares about her. one time she was just standing behind me what i was at my locker and when i turned around i was startled cuz she was smiling and breathing loudly. im doing sooo hard NOT to let her get to me. it makes me feel bad cuz she thinks her and i are bffs but i barely know her!! the guilt of not explaining what i feel is eating me alive :-(

June 14, 2011 at 2:31 PM  
Anonymous Candy said...

Well there was this girl in my class a year back and she anoyed everyone but she always wanted to be my freind mostly i told her she can have ONE more chance but if you do (this and that) you will loose it. She did it in one day and i confrnted her the end of that.

June 15, 2011 at 10:24 PM  
Anonymous Zoe said...

This was recently happening to to me and my best freind..this girl was following me and her around and sometimes like when we were at our lockers she would just come and stand there and watch us. No one liked her because they all thought she was a stalker and she followed people around. She thought she was like our best freind. She even switched busses just so she could be on the same bus as me so one day I just told i didn't really think it was working out being freinds with her because we were always getting in fights and she left me alone after that. You might try saying something like that to the girl who keeps following you around.

July 6, 2011 at 10:36 PM  
Anonymous Smiley said...

I have a girl who does that in our grade, though she switches people. My other friend is enemies with her and they won't even talk. Luckily she's moving away now but sometimes i feel bad for her. i'd go with what jemma says cause i'm not an expert

July 8, 2011 at 5:19 PM  
Anonymous you always need a bff in your life said...

well im good with new kids once we got a new kid in the third grade during recess no one would play with her but just one simple hi was good enough for her and we became pretty good friends
during recess i took a walk i noticed this girl was folowing me around i didnt want to be rude so i said "hi im _____ wats urs"
and after that we became bffaeaeaeuwd
bet ya dont kno wat that means lolz :D
so be polite the girl who folowed me is now my bff pretty amazing just say hi offer her to eat with your group and if ur friends judge her well choose wat would be right instead of doing everything they do
although i used to have a another bff since pre but then we seperated and she is my neighbor but we still dont talk to each other i wish we could b bffs again i miss her

October 1, 2011 at 1:02 AM  
Anonymous ♥Immy♥ said...

Alls i have to say is do wat u want, ignore her if you want to ignore her, if you want to be her friend, be her friend.thats wat i do if i don't like someone.Theres this girl that looks identical to me and she trys to be me,so i kinda "hit the beet of my own drumm" with that sittuation.

November 11, 2011 at 10:26 PM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

I've literally had three friends who got followed. So my advice to them was always to tell them nicely. They never listened, and were miserable for a while. Maybe this girl is lonely and wants a friend. If you don't want to be friends with her, that's too bad, but at least try to befriend her. Or even get to know her. My brother's trick is sort of mean, so I'm not sure if you should use it just putting that out there. . . but say to them "Don't you hate when people follow you around? Ugh! So annoying!" Sorry Jemma if this is mean. If you don't post this I understand.

March 4, 2012 at 5:18 PM  
Anonymous Buffi said...

i have this problem... but with a boy! I asked and I need an answer!

July 28, 2012 at 3:48 PM  

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