Divorce hurts: What should Becca do?



Dear PLS,
What can i do if my parents are divorced and i am getting emotional more and more?
Becca, 11

We love our parents and we'd prefer that they would stay together forever. But it doesn't always happen. When parents get divorced, it can feel like you're being pulled in two directions. It sounds like Becca is feeling this way.

You can hear what other kids have to say about divorce in this video. It's a trailer for a show that will be on HBO. Maybe Becca could see if her Mom or Dad would watch it with her?

Becca says she's feeling emotional, so I am guessing it would be good for her to talk to someone about what specifically is bothering her. It might take a while to figure it out, exactly. It might help to write down some thoughts, like in a journal. Or even draw pictures.

Who to talk to? Start with Mom, Dad, or a grandma or other relative. You could also try a school counselor. Talking to a caring grownup is an important step that Becca can take toward feeling better.

Becca also might want to read more:

Guide to Divorce

Does anyone have any other advice for Becca? Have you ever felt like this?

Think pink!
Jemma

28 Comments:

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Anonymous On the rag said...

This is so sad! Becca I wish I could give you a hug right now. All j can say ks that if your parents are splitting maybe it is for the best. They may not want to fight anymore or think that they can take care of you better seperately.
Hugs an kisses!

September 22, 2012 at 12:32 PM  
Anonymous SmileyShyGirl said...

It must be really hard.. my parents aren't divorced but I know how you could be feeling. It's sad but try to get over it by doing other things like riding a bike, writing in a diary, journal, or blog or whatever, maybe you could draw, dance, sing about how you feel.... It is hard but I would talk to someone to get your feelings out, or like I said before, write about it! I'm Sorry for you but I hope you start felling better soon! :)

~SmileyShyGirl~
Be Smiley!

September 22, 2012 at 12:49 PM  
Anonymous katelynla said...

My parents aren't divorced, but I know SO MANY people that their parent's are. So, Becca, your totally NOT ALONE. Thousands are going throught the same thing. I really wish I could give you a hug. BTW I LOVE your logo!

September 22, 2012 at 2:01 PM  
Anonymous GalOfManyTalents said...

Sorry Becca! I agree with Jemma, talk to someone, maybe a school counselor. Think pink!

September 22, 2012 at 2:30 PM  
Anonymous Pinkadink said...

I AM SOOOOO SORRY!!!!!!! I HOPE THAT THINGS GET BETTER!!!!!
XOXO

September 22, 2012 at 4:34 PM  
Anonymous Vlad said...

My parents got divorced. But they still live together so i have to put up with them constantly yelling at each other all the time. At least YOU have a good life Becca. Enjoy it...

September 22, 2012 at 5:39 PM  
Anonymous cat said...

Maybe you could talk it out with a friend, or sister.

September 22, 2012 at 8:23 PM  
Anonymous theorigamigeek said...

Dear Becca,
I don't have experience with divorce, but know one thing, that it's not your fault. If you feel REALLY emotional, why don't you find a friend who has parents who are divorced and ask how it was for him/her. And hey, at least you get two birthday presents (sorry, I just had to say that :D) Hope you feel better, and as everyone on this website says, think pink!

September 22, 2012 at 10:48 PM  
Anonymous cutiepie4eversophie said...

Awwww...... poor becca. :( Maybe u should try to talk to ur counselor about it and maybe that can help.

September 23, 2012 at 1:43 PM  
Anonymous Ccmay said...

Becca, I just wanna give you a big hug! I know how mich it hurts. But try to remember that you're patents are probably not happy, and splitting up will help. If you are crying or getting very emotional, talk to your mum or whomever you're closest to!! You're not alone, becca! Remember, thousands of other children go through this. I'm sure you have a friend who has split up parents, so you can talk to him or her. We love you, think pink baby doll!!

September 23, 2012 at 6:48 PM  
Anonymous Ccmay said...

Hey, baby doll. I'm really really sad that you have to go through that. My parents tell all the time, but usually over the phone. They are probably trying to live together for you, so I'm sorry it's not working out. I'm sure you have a good life even if it doesn't seem that way right now. Try thinking of all the good things in your life. Maybe you have a great math teacher. Maybe you had your favorite meal last night. There are good things to be found everywhere you just have to shine the light on them.

September 23, 2012 at 6:56 PM  
Anonymous Big Friendly Giant said...

I'm so sorry to here that your parent are still fighting. If it effects you and it starts getting abusive then if it does get scary call an adult you trust like a friends mom a aunt or even a neighbor. But if thing don't get better talk to your mom about it.

September 24, 2012 at 8:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Becca. I know how your feeling . My parents have been divorced for ages !! I know how you are feeling and so do believe it or not over one million children a year !! Your parents , both of them love you!! They still love eachother for giving them you! Just not in the same way. Good luck and be brave !! :) Lilli xxxx

September 28, 2012 at 12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know how you feel, my parents always used to fight because of something personal but just I just fought through it because it was for the best. Now I can sleep with out here bangs and screaming! I just talk to my teacher and my dad since I live with him. I feel soooo bad.... I really hope your parents are still friends after because mine aren't really

October 5, 2012 at 10:24 PM  
Blogger IknowWhatYourDealingWith,haley said...

I know it's hard and as you get older the more emotional you get. the best thing to do is talk about it with your family. explain to your parents about what your going through. and if your a girl and reading this it might be easier to talk with your mom because she understands the emotional changes your going through.
-I Know What Your Dealing With

October 6, 2012 at 5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My parrents are divorced and just think it is better than them fighting evrey seccond

October 7, 2012 at 2:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no need to feel sad you'll be ok just be strong!
<3

October 7, 2012 at 3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Becca
I fell really sorry about your mum and Dad

But maybe it's for the because then they won't fight but don't blame yourself . If U don't feel right go for a walk and then text a friend to meet up with u so u can tak to them about how u feel or talk to childlike because they will help u
Think pink

Laura

October 14, 2012 at 1:19 PM  
Anonymous bonjour hola ni hao hello Kaelah said...

Becca stay strong. Your story makes me cry because I love my parents and I could not hear what you are going too. Try speaking too your parents and I wish you the best of luck in this hard time in your life. Your parents love you.
Hope this helped :) Good Luck

October 21, 2012 at 12:09 AM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

im going through the same thing right now
try not 2 focus on the things u cant change and live your life 2 the fullest
trust God 2 make everything OK!

October 22, 2012 at 5:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Becca,

My parents were divorced when I was 4 years old. It was scary at first but then I just thought, they fight ALL the time. I don't want that.

After I admitted that nothing was hugely going to change I felt better. My parents got a court order and I live 1/3 at my dad's house in the city and 2/3 of the time with my beautiful mum.

My mum got married again and we had this awesome party. It was probably the best night of my life (so far)! I didn't used to like him though. I thought he was trying to replace my dad. I then thought, my dad is still my dad. Nothing will change that.

My new step dad is awesome. When my mum got cancer. He took us to MacDonalds (which I loved at the time, YUK!), the movies, the royal show and all these other cool places. He's really caring and is a professor at a university.

It took me a long time to realise it wasn't really my fault. But it isn't my fault. It isn't anyones fault. Sometime things just don't work out.

The hardest time for me was when I got a little older and I started to understand what people were saying more. All these secrets came out. Things like, my dad was having affairs with all sorts of people and that my mum and dad were just about to get a divorce before they had me. These things hurt. They kind of undid all the great work I had done to myself.

In these moments I just imagine ten years from now. I'll be living with a husband, some kids, in a nice old house. All of these things that affect me now won't affect me then.

Just tell yourself that everything will be ok. Crying helps. I've also snapped a few pencils in half in my time.

October 29, 2012 at 7:39 PM  
Anonymous Indigo said...

I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I think you should try to accept their decision and try not to be sad. You can talk to your friends, and even talk to your parents about why you're so upset, because they're the ones that you're upset about anyway. I would say talk to your parents and tell them exactly how you feel about their divorce, and they'll probably be able to help you feel better.

November 20, 2012 at 9:12 AM  
Anonymous kayjay06 said...

maybe someday it will all turn out fine

November 22, 2012 at 5:42 PM  
Anonymous Hallie said...

It will be okay. Everything will turn out fine in the end. :)

December 5, 2012 at 5:45 PM  
Anonymous Hallie said...

It's okay. It will turn out great in the end. :)

December 5, 2012 at 5:47 PM  
Anonymous ShamuHead said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. Talk to your guidance councelor. S/he could help.

March 19, 2013 at 1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey im going through the same thing but my dad is bipolar. so ur not the only one i talk to my older brother and grama she always makes me feel better i also cuddle with my pitbull he make all my sadness go away :)

April 19, 2013 at 5:23 PM  
Anonymous I_Luv_My_Pitbull said...

Wow cool i have my pitbull too, he's like my BEST friend in the world

May 3, 2013 at 1:17 PM  

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