When you're not invited to the party

I wish it never happened, but unfortunately, most of us know what it feels like to be left out. Parties are the worst. EmmaJoy is feeling anything but joyful that she wasn't invited to a party, especially because she the girls she is closest to were hosting. Check out her question:

Dear PLS,
I got put in a class this year, and i didn't know most of the girls in it. I just started making tight bonds with them. There are two girls that are very friendly and i have become buddies with. The other day, though, all the girls in my class were huddled up in a group. i went over to see what was going on, and i saw they were passing out party invitations. Every girl in our class was invited. except me. And, get this, it the my two buds that were hosting it! they invited 9 girls, but couldn't invite 1 more? It would be one thing if they kept it secret, but they were always talking about it right in front of me! i am so angry and sad at the same time. their glorious party is going on right now. how can i control my emotions? :'(
EmmaJoy,12

First off, it stinks to be left out and the stinkiest time of all is when you know the party is going on and you're not there. But you're here with us and I'm sure you're going to hear some good advice. 

My guess is that the girls may still think of EmmaJoy as the new girl. This is dumb, of course, because she's been around for a while and clearly would be a fun girl to have at the party. So the bottom line is that these girls aren't the best friends for her, though I wouldn't recommend she "break up" with them. They can be casual friends. Maybe, in time, one or both will become closer friends. So hard as it is, I would try not to have a big blowup or scene with them. Talk to your mom, dad, older sibling, counselor etc. if you need help with this.

In the meantime, I think EmmaJoy should scout around for other girls to spend time with. Are there other nice girls from her class that also weren't invited? Pair up with them and pledge to be good, loyal friends. You know, the kind who would NEVER not invite you to a party.

What else, girls? Have you been left out of a party? If so, what advice can you give EmmaJoy?

Think pink!
Jemma

65 Comments:

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Anonymous judogirl said...

it in not fun but i just had to star a whoel new year at a new school with all my enimes and gussy what i was not invied to my bff but i was ok beacause i don't care about partys and you can ask why they did not invite you

January 18, 2013 at 11:04 PM  
Anonymous ilovemusic said...

If they were really your friends they wouldve invited u! Just talk to them and ask why. They need to hav a reason.maybe they werent the person u were expecting.jut hang with other friends until its cleared uo

January 18, 2013 at 11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have you asked them why they didnt invite you? if they dont or havent given a good answer, then maybe its time to find new friends because these ones dont care :(

January 19, 2013 at 3:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You also need to remember that the girl's parents may have to invite cousins, aunties, uncles, etc

January 19, 2013 at 5:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PopcornMunch x

January 19, 2013 at 5:45 AM  
Anonymous Hugsandsmiles said...

Imagine that you are Cinderella, she ended up with prince Charming! Anyway since fairy God-mothers with magic powers dont seem to exist, try and either not talk about the party at all and pretend it never happend, or you could ask why yo werent invited, and move on. Having been left out and the new girl countless times, I just realise that these friends are just casual, and only a small part of my life. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you can keep smiling!

January 19, 2013 at 7:07 AM  
Anonymous FigureSk8er4Ever said...

I get left out all the time too. Don't let them get in your way and keep your head held high. Their obviously not true friends!

January 19, 2013 at 12:14 PM  
Anonymous :) said...

host your own party?

January 19, 2013 at 1:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It does feel bad when you are left out of groups. Maybe they don't know you well enough. They may not be true friends. Just keep in mind that you don't always have to be with your friends. Next time, maybe do something with your family and/or siblings.
Your mind will be focused on something else!
Hope this helps!

January 19, 2013 at 2:31 PM  
Anonymous katelynla said...

Oh, I hate it when this happens. That is really rude too.
My suggestion is similar to the other advice girls on here have given. Still be friends with them, but also be on the look out for more friends.
Hope I helped!

January 19, 2013 at 3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its one thing to be left out without knowing but knowing is worse. The best thing to do is not care. I reapize you are hurting but do you want to get in a fight?

January 19, 2013 at 8:13 PM  
Anonymous Aimeestars said...

Omg! Im going through the same thing. Last night I was left out of a MAJOR party with my bffls. she invited every one even her enemys! And now coz I had already said that she could sleep over I am stuck with her bragging to one of my other friends that went to her party and she slept over aswell. I have already cried 2 times plzz help and keep smiling :) xx

January 20, 2013 at 4:29 AM  
Anonymous orange juice said...

Don't feel bad, it happens to all of us, one time or another. I have had problems with excluding too. I'm sure you're a very awesome person full of swag, but the other girls just don't know that because they don't know you because they didn't plan any parties with you! It sounds very confusing, but in conclusion, they just don't know you. keep on smiling:)

January 20, 2013 at 8:56 PM  
Anonymous giants girl said...

dont cry, i say no "man" is worth your tears.
When you see you friend, talk to her, but stand tall, you a girl, a strong girl, you have to get her to say sorry, get a reason to not invite you, then have your oune party, but invite her, have a party the best party. hope you have fun at your party and remember stand TALL

January 21, 2013 at 1:01 PM  
Anonymous orange said...

real sorry but it will pass

January 21, 2013 at 7:00 PM  
Anonymous confuzzled said...

Okay, I know a lot of kids who have a ton of 'friends'. I personally only know a few people that I would consider an actual friend. Now, before you confide in someone your life secrets and desires, ask yourself:
-would this person be there for you no matter what?
-would this person defend me if I was getting bullied?
-would this person sacrifice social status to be friends with me? (i.e., if you became unpopular for some reason, would they be friends with you even though it might blemish their own image)
-does this person really care about me or are they just being nice?
-is the person hanging out with you for YOU or some other reason?

I'm not saying that you shouldn't hang out with anyone who doesn't have all these qualities, but I think that REAL friends would be there for you in that way, as opposed to a 'casual friend who may be fun to talk to and play games with, but I wouldn't tell him/her your deepest, darkest secrets. :)
Just remember that there are billions of people on the planet--there's someone there who can be your best friend. :D
Love,
confuzzled

January 21, 2013 at 7:38 PM  
Anonymous confuzzled said...

To EmmaJoy,
I think that maybe you should talk to her in a mature and respectful manner. Don't act like you're really hurt, but maybe just say something along the lines of, "Hi 'Kate' [We'll pretend her name is Kate], I was just wondering why I wasn't invited to your party. I'm sure there was a good reason, I'm just a little confused because I thought we were friends." You never know, there might have been a really good reason you weren't invited.
Chin up!!
Love,
confuzzled

January 22, 2013 at 2:16 PM  
Anonymous watermelonpuppy said...

I know how you feel EmmaJoy. I remember in 4th grade this girl named Kayla, she was practicly bouncing around the classroom passing out invatations to her birthday party. She passed one out to every girl exept me. One of my good friends there asked "Hey, are you going to Kayla's party," and I just said no and acted like I didn't care.

January 22, 2013 at 4:21 PM  
Anonymous Hugsandsmiles said...

@confuzzled, hence, the reason I call my self "friendless" although Im aquaintanced With tonnes of people. In my case it would also be more of a if i became popular though :D. I dont really have any deep dark secrets though and tell everybody everything, because I am way too trusting and not easily embarassed. Smiles!

January 22, 2013 at 4:40 PM  
Anonymous cutiepie4eversophie said...

Omg thats so mean. Try to talk to them and tell them how you feel about that. Maybe then they will change their minds

January 22, 2013 at 5:44 PM  
Anonymous sparklygymnast88 said...

I just started a new school and I know how it feels to not be invited to a party by people who you thought were your friends, maybe their mom or dad sent a limit for people and they didn't think of you as one of the first people on there list. You should be really nice to them and see if they invite you to their next party, if they don't then you know it wasn't an mistake it was on purpose

January 22, 2013 at 7:35 PM  
Anonymous dolphin00 said...

I wasn't invited to the "biggest" party of the year last year and I felt so angry and upset. Everyone was so happy and asking for invitations and talking about it. I would always be a little awkward because I was never invited, and I didn't have my own birthday party because I felt no one would want to go.

But don't worry because what I do is I rub it in their faces and make them feel a little bit guilty about what happened. Not in a rude way, of course. I would ask them, how was your party? This way it would show that you don't really care even though you do and you actually care about their party. It would also be a little bit guilty for them because they didn't invite you. >:)And don't worry again because you can always find other better people. Try becoming friends with guys (I did.) because there is less drama and more fun.

January 22, 2013 at 9:56 PM  
Anonymous cutiepie4eversophie said...

@ Dolphin00
I do that sometimes to lol

January 23, 2013 at 7:30 PM  
Anonymous Giants Girl said...

hey my best best friend dosent want to be friends anymore. she i very inportent to me HHHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP

January 23, 2013 at 7:43 PM  
Anonymous Remakingabraverme said...

@Giants Girl

tons of girls go through this, me inclueded. so heres my advice:

1) TALK TO HER!! Figure out why. is she mad at you? Is there a problem shes dealing with, and taking it out on you? Is she jealous of something you have? (another friend?)

2) think about it yourself. Have you done anything she might not like?

3)Maybe you guys have just been friends for so long, that she is trying to make friends with other people, as well. Try to make other friends, or get closer to your other friends, but still talk and hang with her to show her that your not going to be clingy or possesive but you want to be her friend.


Good luck buttercup!

January 23, 2013 at 10:03 PM  
Anonymous Hugsandsmiles said...

Giants Girl, Let Her Go! I know it hurts, but its for the best, and you can always make new friends. After all, theres no point in being friends with someone who doesnt want to be friends with you. No matter what, good luck hold your chin up and above all SMILE

January 24, 2013 at 7:25 AM  
Anonymous confuzzled said...

Giants Girl, I know that you want to be best friends with her still, but unfortunately you can't be best friends if the feeling is one-sided. I suggest that you first talk to her, to see if there's something bottled up that she's not telling you (something that made her upset, etc)..it COULD be simply a misunderstanding. Beyond that, though, if she just doesn't like you as much anymore, then you'll just have to let her go and find some more friends. Don't be depressed about it! There are a ton of people around and certainly there are many that would love to be your friend. Chin up!!
Love,
confuzzled

January 25, 2013 at 1:06 PM  
Anonymous Panda said...

I've had this problem before, as well. What I would say is to just forget about them. If she was a real friend, why would she be so mean to you. Try talking to other girls and try to make friends (boys can be friends, too!). Don't let her get in your way!!!

January 25, 2013 at 4:23 PM  
Anonymous Giants girl said...

sorry Hugsandsmiles i can let her go shes like myy sister i have known her sence i was 6 weeks old an i havent seen her sence last march

January 25, 2013 at 5:37 PM  
Anonymous Giants girl said...

also i dont know how to tel my mom i need more bras help

January 25, 2013 at 5:38 PM  
Anonymous Remakingabraverme said...

@Giants Girl
Do the same thing as you said the first time.
"Hey mum, Im wearing a bra everyday (or something) and Im running out before the laundry's done. Could you buy me some more?"
GIRL POWER! Good luck buttercup:)

January 27, 2013 at 9:53 AM  
Anonymous Giants Girl said...

sorry but i onley have 1 bra its hard

January 29, 2013 at 6:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

then just say, mom I think I need to wear bras more, but I only have one, so can we go to the store and buy some more? I've had this problem too before. but when you talk to them the totally understand.

January 30, 2013 at 5:16 PM  
Anonymous februarystars said...

to the first question: I think that the girls were being very rude and arrogant, and I know what it's like to be where you are. But there are many reasons why maybe they didn't invite you. Have you recently gotten into a fight with one of them? Maybe their parents aren't letting them? Either way, I'm sorry you're sad. It's still unfair and selfish that they would talk about it in front of you.

February 3, 2013 at 4:15 PM  
Anonymous torquoisegirl said...

hey when was the last time people posted

February 7, 2013 at 4:46 PM  
Anonymous Socks said...

This girl Skylar in my class invited my friend Danielle to her party but not me. I was pretty upset because it sounded like fun (it was at Dave and Busters) My friend Danielle said that she couldn't wait to go and when she asked if I was going and I said no, I acted like I didn't care because I'm not a big fan of Skylar. Then, me and Danielle were like the best of friends but now, she doesn't hang out with me. Instead, she hangs out with Skylar!!!! What should I do?????

February 9, 2013 at 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Hugsandsmiles said...

Socks, awww thats so sad! Make new friends or talk to Skylar and Danielle about it. Smile! PS. Im not from the US, so, what is Dave and Busters? Turquoisegirl, it looks like today, the 12th.

February 12, 2013 at 10:31 AM  
Anonymous oreoang123 said...

Hi... I just want to say that its ok to start over. something like this happened to me this year. i was kind of upset, so when my teacher let us pick out own seats for the next marking period i sat next to the new girl, Nicole. she is very awesome and we've become good friends.:)

February 17, 2013 at 8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do not give up your friendship because of that maybe next time have your own party and invite them.

February 18, 2013 at 8:13 PM  
Anonymous Supercute Blue said...

Once all my friends were invited to my friend's birthday party to Alton Towers and I wasn't invited :( Worst thing was that they told me straight out the day before like I was always being let down.

February 23, 2013 at 2:11 PM  
Anonymous ParvatiPatil said...

That ALWAYS happens to me..
It happens so often that I've begun taking it for granted.
The last time I was invited to a classmate's party was.... ... I think, 4 years back.

March 13, 2013 at 8:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow really i would so hate it and probably cry being the sensitive girl that i am well if your daring ask them why the didn't invite u but at the PLS we do anything for eachother so if you need cheering up say so i like to do research so i would probably find you guys a funny url to get further help on this subject

March 25, 2013 at 7:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe she thought you didn't want to come because of the theme or something

April 5, 2013 at 11:20 PM  
Anonymous star555 said...

that always happens to me cos it was my bffs party and she said i could definitly come but oh sorry im inviting the whole class except u cos theres not enough invatations and then shes talking about the party right in front of me and she knows that the last birthday party that was hosted from someone in my class that i was invited to was 2 years ago

April 7, 2013 at 1:03 PM  
Anonymous star555 said...

and she doesnt even like most of them

April 11, 2013 at 10:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. In a situation like this one, EmmaJoy, we need to weigh out the good and the bad. Let's start with the bad: 1. Your supposed 'friends' left you out of something that they know you would care about. 2. They invited pretty much the whole class and not you. 3. They were being really mean and ignorant, and none of us want that in a friend. But the good thing is that at least you didn't become really good friends with them and have told them all your secrets (that would have been a really bad idea!), because now you know that they aren't nice people to be hanging with and you can find better friends. Trust me hun, there is always going to be one person out there who cares about you like a true friend, so don't waste your time on people like this, because they aren't worth your time at all.

This goes for anyone else who is having problems with their 'friends' and being left out. Never accept bad treatment from other people, because first of all, they are probably jealous of you for some reason, and second, remember that they aren't worth the time and the stressing out that it costs you.

April 25, 2013 at 5:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Friends are overrated anyway. All they do is go behind your back and create drama.

April 27, 2013 at 2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omigosh!!!!! Friends aren't overated!!! They are kind, loving people who always have ur back! If someone is mean 2 u or acts the way that these girls did to Emma then they're not ur friends. Maybe u@Anonymous think that about friends but u don't need 2 say that about other people.
>:( -Cupcake

April 30, 2013 at 8:22 PM  
Anonymous Grace said...

The same thing happend to my friend Steph.Our whole freind circle was invited except her.She talked to Mia (the girl who was hosting the party) and she talked to her parents and they booked 1 more space.So my advice is to not keep your emotions hidden but tell someone or they can't fix it.

June 6, 2013 at 8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was once not invited to a party it made me feel really left out and it never halps out when it's one of those really cool parties.Hers was a acrobatics party and iv'e dreamed of being a acrobat.But what I don't get is when they say' couldn't invite any more'.But wouldn't you invite your best friend first?When you invite people youv'e got to think about who else might feel left out.
Emma Joy maybe she just didn't remember you were in her grade.Iv'e done it begore went to invite the whole grade but forgotten one or two people.

June 6, 2013 at 8:26 AM  
Anonymous Grace said...

It is mean to do that.Before you hand out the invites always make sure that no-one will feel left out.If there's only one more person why not just invite them any way.Just to be nice.

June 6, 2013 at 8:28 AM  
Anonymous jennosaur said...

i always see my friends passing invitations and leaving me out. Its no that bad once we get used to it.

June 13, 2013 at 8:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ive been at my school since year 7 with all my class mates and we just finished sats and i have just found out that everyone has been invited to a party even my bff who promised not to keep secrets from me were all invited and told not to tell me. i heard them talking about it and i asked my bff qnd she told me then i burst out crying because i wasnt invited and i have been bullied in the past by some of the girls. what should i do???

June 19, 2013 at 4:26 PM  
Anonymous beautiful butterfly said...

Don't dredge on the past. That's my advice.chow.

June 26, 2013 at 2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd definitely look for other girls to spend some time with. Do you have other activities with other girls that aren't in this class or school?

June 29, 2013 at 2:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have two best friends and there's this girl who is always hanging around us who is best friends with my two best friends. One day she said in front of me on my table I'm inviting the two best friends to oakwood for her birthday and she couldn't invite me and I could tell by her tone she cleary didn't want me at her party getting in the way of things. So this Is my advice don't invite them to your party if your having one and just invite other people like the people who your friends with in another class.
I hope this helps.

July 3, 2013 at 12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They were talking as a group and I feel so sad when they said that i was not invited even my friend,Elaine.I also had buddies there but they tend to go with other girls so I was left behind/Im not saying that Im jelouse but it really gets me annoyed.FYI,I don't want to be the center of attention.They were all talking about something nice and it sounds exciting but unfortunately I was not invited...................they also ignores me whenever I tal to them........

July 26, 2013 at 4:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the same thing going. One of my best friends (been my friend for 3 years) invited everyone but me, and 2 other friends. it made me sad, and i dont know why! i want to exclude her from my next party to, but then she'll feel bad as well as me! HELP!!!!

September 8, 2013 at 1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This happend to me too when I wasn't invited to a party and all my friends were BUT me! I was close to her too but you just got to get over it and remember jelously And revenge are not the options

October 12, 2013 at 12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's start an discussion about LPS! :)

November 16, 2013 at 3:35 PM  
Anonymous McKayla said...

It can be sad to not be invited to a party. Have a party of your own with your mom

December 15, 2013 at 3:48 PM  
Anonymous Advice Gal said...

Hi EmmaJoy!

I totally understand your problem, and so I'll tell you about my thoughts on this.

Being the odd one out is the worst feeling in the world. It's happened to me too. But I start by trying to think why I've been left out. In your case, your friends still thought of you as the new girl, and they weren't the people you thought they were.

Now you see the problem, you can come to a solution. Definitely find a couple of loyal girls for new besties, for now, anyway. They should last a long time, but it might cause a break-up scene if you chum up again with your old friends.

When you've got some new, lovely girls for friends, try to talk to the others. Perhaps you've done something to offend them, and you didn't realize. Or maybe they just don't like you that much any more.

Remember, don't take any offence from something like that. They just mean they have kind of left you behind. This feeling isn't good, but at least now you know you don't want them as BFFs either.

Once you've done all of this, and got closer with your new besties, I guarantee you you'll be a lot happier than before!

Thanks for reading,
Advice Gal

December 20, 2014 at 7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel you girl. One of my friends, who I thought I was super close with, asked me if my parents thought it would be okay to go for a sleepover at hers with all my friends, thought at the time she said it wasnt official or anything. This was two weeks ago, her birthday's tomorrow, and I just found out she did have a sleepover with ALL our friends but somehow I wasnt invited.. Im also twelve and am kind of confused, even tho I asked her today about doing anything with us for her bday and she completely said no. Im hurt and Im trying not to care but its hard. These girls may love you, but I promise there are girls that will love you more and once you find them, make sure you stick with them because they're the type of girls you want in your life xxx

August 14, 2015 at 8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a friend and she threw this barmitsvah and she didn't invite me and me and her are pretty close friends but I don't understand why I wasn't invited and at the lunch table her and the girls kept talking about it and I just got really mad and I was thinking shes definitely going to invite me but she didnt and also every weekend her and others would hangout and I wouldn't be I invited so I'm starting to think that im not good enough to be friends with her or something or shes embarrassed to talk to me thats how I feel about people latley none really cares how I feel and I always feel left out and I feel that I have no friends and that all the people I think are my friends are just associates and I feel that I dont fit in I think its because Im too nice or friendly I am black and they are white so I just feel that they dont want me to hang with them because I stand out because of the color:(((((( And this is sad to say but I don't think I will ever find a true friend:(

December 20, 2015 at 1:33 AM  
Anonymous Coolgirl87 said...

Dont worry I have two freinds and I havent been invited to there birthdays for three years, and I am still great friends with them!

May 28, 2016 at 7:39 PM  

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